Ok, so I've FINALLY decided to address the subject that has been brought up to me countless times by single mothers (even before I joined the crew!): DATING!!! My advice has definitely changed over the years... So I think I'll just do a quick Q&A response to some of the main questions I've been asked...
1. When is the right time to start dating?
- Simple answer here: When you are EMOTIONALLY ready. I don't care how long or short of a timeframe it's been, when you're really ready, you'll know. Personally, I gave myself a year. It's been longer than that but only because I'm so freakin picky.
2. When should I bring a new person around my child?
- Again, when you feel ready BUT I will say this... Children are very aware & attached even when we think they aren't. You don't want your kids suffering because of your mistakes. Make sure it's right first.
3. Should I tell my BD/BM/ex about the new guy?
- If it's serious, then certainly. This person will be around their child. It is only right that they have the opportunity to meet this person (notice I used the word meet not approve! At the end of the day, they may not like them but as long as you do... Do you really care?)
4- Should I move in with my new guy?
-Again, the decision is all yours but I would not move someone in unless I was sure that this is the person I wanted to be with (in other words, he's proposed, the wedding is planned & paid for, & we are standing at the altar saying I do.) I'm a bit old-fashioned but I'm speaking from experience.
5- Should I allow my child to call the new person mom/dad?
- This is the toughest topic for me. I'm always torn on this topic. But my concluded answer is to allow your child to make that decision. Don't force them to call anyone mom/dad especially if their biological parents are in their lives. However, I know of several blended families in which the children call the stepparents mom/dad or a similar name (pops, mommy 2, etc) & it works fine for them... So whatever floats your boat!
~Jay
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