Regrets

Day 1: What Do You Regret The Most?

I try not to live my life with regrets or focusing on past actions. If my part mistakes helped me to better me in any way... I can't regret them. With that being said, I don't really have any regrets in life. If I could go back & change the way I handled a few situations/people, I most definitely would. But I've made peace with those things & asked for forgiveness from those people. That's all I can do. Moving forward!

~ Jay


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Back at it!!!

Ok guys... I've been M.I.A for a little while but I found a new blog challenge list that I LOVE! So... I'm going to attempt this once again. I can assure you that it won't be a daily thing. I'm a single mother... Who just went back to school via online classes (shoot me now, please!) Anyhoo, I will try to stay as updated as possible but I definitely want to finish this one.

Ok, Day 1: Five ways to win your heart

Hmmm, not sure if I should give away all the secrets, but... Oh well. FYI: I would never ask for something that I'm not willing to give in return.

1. BE A GODLY MAN... <~~~ this is the key to any great friendship/relationship so, if you don't have God in your life... It won't work with me or anyone else for that matter. I am just know realizing how important it is to have someone who is on the same page spiritually. Had I really understood this before, I would have saved myself a lot of headaches.

2. BE GENUINE!!!!! Please don't put on facades or pretend to be someone you're not. Don't sell the real you short by trying to be the man you THINK I want. I'm older/wiser & while I do APPRECIATE the finer things in life, I live for the simple everyday things.

3. BE INTELLIGENT!!! <~~~ nothing is more attractive to me than a man that challenges me!!! I need someone that I can talk to about more than tv shows & sports (although I AM a huge Yankees & Cowboys fan!)

4. BE ASSERTIVE!! Anyone that knows me, knows that I am a very headstrong, opinionated woman. I don't bite my tongue or hold back my feelings & I don't expect it in return. I have yet to find someone that can put me in my place w/o trying to control me & the same time. Still looking....

5. BE PATIENT. I am a single mother. Therefore, I'm not just picking someone good enough for me, but someone that I trust around my child. It's a process, so patience is a necessity.


~Jay

30 days of truth

Ok, so after writing that last blog, I decided that I didn't like that blog challenge list. So I went & looked up the 30 Days of Truth list again. I am on Day 6 because I did Days 1-5 previously (keep scrolling!) lol. So here we go!

Day 6- Something You Hope You Never Have To Do

This is a no-brainer for any parent. I pray that I never have to bury my child. I know several people who have gone through that. I am also reading Heaven is For Real (awesome book based on a true story btw). As I was reading the first two chapters & read how these parents went through turmoil while literally watching their son wither away, I was bawling!!! I mean, I wasn't just crying, I had snot & the crying "hiccups" (you know the little pauses when you cry & can't speak normally? Those.) It made me break down because although I've seen others go through it & felt saddened for them... It still seems surreal to me. I just can't fathom it even though I've seen it happen. I don't know if that makes sense, but... That's how I feel. I pray over & for my son daily. I prayed for him before he entered this world. I thank God for trusting me with raising him & for the time he has already given me with him. I know that life is uncertain & tomorrow is not promised to anyone, not even children. I worked in the medical field for years. One of my favorite patients was a little boy who had a brain tumor. This kid had the brightest smile & the sweetest spirit! He could have complained about his situation. He could have complained about not feeling well or wanting to be "normal" & not spend all his time being pricked & prodded in a hospital for months. But he did none of that. Every time I saw him, he was happy. It made my problems seem so trivial.
I would not wish losing a child on my worst enemy. It just seems unnatural & out of order to me. This is my greatest fear. I think it's any parents greatest fear. On the other hand, I take the time now to spend with my son. I am grateful for each day with him. I want him to know that he is loved every day that he is here on this Earth.


~Jay

30 Day blog ~~ Day 5

Ok I skipped because I did the other days previously. So, if you're interested, just keep scrolling down. Anyhoo, Day 5 is a song that inspires you.... I am in love with music. I wake up singing. I go to sleep singing. When I'm not singing, I'm writing songs/lyrics. To pick one song that inspires me is like taking a kid in a candy store & telling them to just pick one thing! Nonetheless, I have chosen a song! It is called Every Day by Rascal Flatts & it's a country song. Lol. (if you haven't heard it, go youtube it then come back!) For some reason, I'm not supposed to listen to country because I'm African-American. Well, I'm most definitely a Southern girl & I have found that country songs have some of the most beautiful lyrics in them. Back to the song: I'll give you some of the lyrics...

You could have bowed out, but you didn't. You knew enough to know to leave well enough alone but you wouldn't. I come around all broken down & crowded out & you're a comfort. Sometimes the place I go is so deep & dark & desperate... I don't know. I don't know how every day you save my life!

This song brings me to tears every time I listen to it... Everyone goes through things in life & I'm not knocking whatever you've been through. However, I don't think a person can understand the gravity of these lyrics & how a single person can literally "save your life" every day until you've been at the lowest point of your life & had someone reach out to you & show you that you matter to them. That they won't let you go... It's an amazing feeling! You know that God put that person there at the right moment just for you. I can't even begin to thank the people in my life that helped me through the roughest times in my life. If you are reading this, just know that I love & appreciate each of you. And I sincerely hope that if (God forbid) the opportunity ever presents itself to return the favor, that I am alive & able to do it!

Ok, I have to end this blog now because I'm in tears. But I must say this before I go, take the time to REALLY love the people in your life because at the end of the day, that's all that matters. Don't just fb/tweet/text them... Spend face time with them. Tell them that you love them. My family/friends don't really say we love each other a lot. I know that we all do but people need to hear it too... Even if you do show it daily. Send a random letter/email to a friend to just encourage them. Smile at a stranger & tell them to have a great day! You never know what people have going on & what they aren't sharing with you. You could be that person to "save their life". Random (and intentional) acts of kindness go a long way!! I'm a firm believer of that. My glass is always half full because I've been on the completely empty side. Now, even the worst days are great days. Happiness is a choice & only you can make the decision to live a grateful & happy life! If you are reading this, please know that no matter what you have going on in life, God will never give you more than you can bear. He makes no mistakes & when you come out of your situation (and you WILL come out!), you will be a much better man/woman for having gone through it. I can vouch for that in every way. Have faith. Be strong & courageous! This too shall pass!

~Jay

The dreaded topic!! O_O

Ok, so I've FINALLY decided to address the subject that has been brought up to me countless times by single mothers (even before I joined the crew!): DATING!!! My advice has definitely changed over the years... So I think I'll just do a quick Q&A response to some of the main questions I've been asked...


1. When is the right time to start dating?
- Simple answer here: When you are EMOTIONALLY ready. I don't care how long or short of a timeframe it's been, when you're really ready, you'll know. Personally, I gave myself a year. It's been longer than that but only because I'm so freakin picky.

2. When should I bring a new person around my child?
- Again, when you feel ready BUT I will say this... Children are very aware & attached even when we think they aren't. You don't want your kids suffering because of your mistakes. Make sure it's right first.

3. Should I tell my BD/BM/ex about the new guy?
- If it's serious, then certainly. This person will be around their child. It is only right that they have the opportunity to meet this person (notice I used the word meet not approve! At the end of the day, they may not like them but as long as you do... Do you really care?)

4- Should I move in with my new guy?
-Again, the decision is all yours but I would not move someone in unless I was sure that this is the person I wanted to be with (in other words, he's proposed, the wedding is planned & paid for, & we are standing at the altar saying I do.) I'm a bit old-fashioned but I'm speaking from experience.

5- Should I allow my child to call the new person mom/dad?
- This is the toughest topic for me. I'm always torn on this topic. But my concluded answer is to allow your child to make that decision. Don't force them to call anyone mom/dad especially if their biological parents are in their lives. However, I know of several blended families in which the children call the stepparents mom/dad or a similar name (pops, mommy 2, etc) & it works fine for them... So whatever floats your boat!




~Jay

30 day blog challenge

Day 2~~ Nicknames

At this age, I only have two nicknames. Jay/J~~~ my first name starts with a J. Also, Nay~~~ my middle name is Renee.

That's about it in the nicknames department. I do have several titles: friend, sister, auntie, daughter, godmommy, manager, associate, student, etc... But my absolute favorite title is MOMMY! : )


~Jay

July 30 Day Blog Challenge

Ok... I'm trying this yet again!! I'm also doing the 30 day photo challenge on instagram. That one is a lot easier because it doesn't really require too much thought process or time. Well, here goes nothing!

Day 1:

My name is Jay. Here's a recent photo


I'm supposed to give you 15 interesting facts about myself. Not sure how interesting they are but here's 15 facts about moi!

1. First & foremost, I'm a God-fearing woman. It doesn't get any better than that! I'm sure you will read about my spiritual journey in my other blogs.
2. I'm a mommy to a very charming & handsome 13 mo old son who fills each day with joy! It is often times a challenge but I wouldn't have it any other way.
3. I am American by birth but Southern by the grace of God! : ) I don't mean to brag, but there's nothing like a Georgia peach!
4. I'll be 25... Again. Lol. I'm a Leo & definitely am true to my sign as far as personality.
5. I love to write!! I have been writing lyrics/poetry since I was in elementary school. Now I am currently working on a manuscript.
6. I love to sing! My dream Jon would be being part of a Broadway show or on the cast of Glee <~~~ haha! I know, I know! Don't judge me.
7. I have a high level of loyalty but a low tolerance for bs. I've realized that life is too short to spend it upset or worried about people & things that you can't change. Pray for them & keep it moving.
8. I've been single for quite sometime now & I'm actually enjoying the time alone. I've learned a lot about myself. What I like. What I don't like. It has made dating a lot easier.
9. I have seen & done a lot in my short time here on Earth. Some good. Some not so good. But it has all contributed to the woman I've become.
10. I absolutely love the few people that I consider friends. They are my backbone at times. Not sure if I would be as strong today without some of them.
11. I'm not the most complex person in the world. I like to think that I'm one of the few women that are "simplistically sane". Maybe not.
12. It's proving to be a challenge to come up with 15 facts about myself.
13. I'm very eclectic. I love music so I listen to every genre. The only thing that I can't listen to a lot is grunge/heavy metal. It hurts my head.
14. I am trying to purchase my first home this year. So excited about it! I want my son to have a huge backyard to play in & a chocolate Labrador. Lol. Yes, I have it all planned out.
15. I'm going to have another baby in about 5 years, so maybe I should start dating now. *sigh* lol

~Jay

My baby is ONE!!

Yes, MY baby is a year old!!! This may seem insignificant to you all, but for me it marks a year that's been filled with so many milestones. I am literally in tears as I type this! I'm beyond grateful for this past year. Not only because my child is healthy & smarter than ever (some children don't make it to their 1st bdays so be grateful!!) but I'm thankful for how becoming a mother has changed me for the better. A year ago, my life was in shambles. I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I can't even begin to explain some of the things I was bearing at that time. I didn't see this pregnancy as a blessing in the beginning... I saw it as yet another addition to the problems I was already having. I am so glad that God saw differently for my life. See, God knows exactly what you need, exactly when you need it. Even when you are wondering how you'll make it through your situation... He already knows the outcome. As I was saying, becoming a mother has truly changed my entire life. Yes, it's hard. Yes, I wish I had more free time. Yes, I wish I could come & go as I please like when I had no children. But when I tell you that my son has been my little miracle, I am not exaggerating. He gave me a reason to keep going. To keep living. He was my reason to get rid of all the negativity/drama in my life. I wanted to be a better person for my son not just a better mother. This past year has been filled with so much joy!! Not just happiness, but JOY!!! No matter what has happened to upset me, make me cry, give me headaches... I see his face & it is all better. His smile is all the proof that I need to know that God is real. I have never known a love like this & I am sure that I never will. Happy birthday to my prince!! : )


~Jay

Past Time (another poem)

I wrote this when I was 12-13... I knew nothing of love. At all. I'm surprised I wrote this at such a young, inexperienced stage of life. Funny how I can completely relate to something I wrote 10+ years ago


PAST TIME

There comes a time in your life
When you just have to move on.
A time when you have to go and
Leave his childish games alone.
When he starts to lie and cheat
And play games with your mind,
Then it's time to let him go.
As a matter of fact, it's past time.
We used to be good and
Our love was so strong,
But now that's over.
It's time to move on.
I know right now it seems hard,
But one day you'll see
Our relationship was wrong.
It just wasn't meant to be.
You just couldn't stay faithful
And I just couldn't live a lie.
So, I finally got the nerve
To pack my bags & say goodbye.
There comes a time in your life
When you just have to move on.
A time when you have to go and
Leave his childish games alone.
When he starts to lie and cheat
And play games with your mind,
Then it's time to let him go.
As a matter of fact, it's past time.



~Jay

A woman's dilemma....

Ok, here's one more poem of mine. Written about 5 yrs ago. Its not entitled so I must have had something serious on my mind at the time. Lol

UNTITLED

So, now I'm sitting here holding my phone while HE is telling me all the things that I used to hear from HIM. How beautiful I am & how if HE were HIM, I would never want for anything. I find that hard to believe cause everything HE is saying would sound so much better coming from HIM. But since I don't see HIM around, I pretend to listen to what HE is saying until HE says "goodnight, sweetheart" and hangs up the phone. Then all my thoughts turn to HER & what SHE could have over ME to make HIM cheat. As I lay in bed, alone, I wonder when ME & HIM stopped being an US and when SHE & HIM started being a THEM and HE & I started being... Whatever it is WE are. Whenever I tried to talk to HIM about our problems, I never could get HIM to listen to ME or what I was saying. But HE listened. And HE held ME. And HE kissed MY tears away. I'm sure SHE did the same for HIM... So, here I am still with HIM waiting for HIM to realize that SHE could never be ME and HER love could never compare to MINE and HE could never replace HIM and all I've ever wanted was for ME & HIM to go back to being US. But until then, HIM & HER are doing THEIR thing.... And I guess I'm doing MINE.




~Jay

One of my old poems

Found my old poetry book & came across this poem I wrote almost a decade ago. It has an ENTIRELY different meaning. Just thought I'd share it with my readers....

YOU

I was born
For you
I grew into a woman
For you
Along the way I leaned about love
For you
I was taught about sex
For you
I learned the difference between love and lust
For you
I experienced heartbreak
For you
I felt all of the heartache
For you
I gave up my throne
For you
Ceased being a queen
For you
Let myself go
For you
I've cried tears
For you
My heart's bled
For you
I forgot my pride
For you
Forgot that little girl inside
For you
I stopped existing
For you
I eventually died
For you
My spirit got lost, in search
Of you
Then I saw a light, a reflection
Of you
So, I went towards that light to be
With you
And now I'm finally free
Of you.



~Jay

Day 4: Your parents

Today is my mommy's birthday!!! Yay!!! : )

Ok, back to the topic... I was raised by mother so of course I have more to say about her. To sum it all up: my mother is amazing. We tend to butt heads a lot because we're so much alike, but at the end of the day, I wouldn't trade her. No matter what, she's always had my best interest at heart. She is a full-time babysitter to my son & he LOVES it. I wish I was rich... She'd have no worries.

My father is a work in progress. I say that because although he is in my life, there has never been a relationship. I'm torn because half of me says it's too late (that's the shoulder with the little demon) & the other half says it's never too late to get things right with people (the shoulder with my angel). Right now the angel is winning. I allow him to be included in my life because I have a child. Becoming a mother has made me soft & hardcore at the same time. How does that work exactly?? I'll leave you all to ponder that.

*muah*


~Jay

Day 3: Your First Love

Hmmm not too much to talk about here... Who picks these blog topics?? Smh. Anyhoo, my first love was just that... My first love. I learned a helluva <~~~ (southern word) lot from that relationship. I wish him the best in life & love. That's about it. *Kanye shrug*


~Jay

Day 2...

Day 2 is supposed to be about nicknames.... Not sure what I'm supposed to write so I'll just say whatever comes to mind. Thats always fun : )

1. Nay or NayNay <~~~ most used nickname by my family & close friends. My middle name is Renée. That's where it comes from.
2. Jay <~~~ originally given to me by my co-worker Sarah because none of the customers ever got my name right. I've been called (& answered to) Janine, Denise, Jenny, Janice & more. It's Ja'Nice. Say it with me.... Jah-niece! Lol
3. Flyygirljay or flyymommyjay <~~~ the 1st has been my screen name forever. In my freshman year of college, I was dubbed "fly girl" because I ALWAYS dressed up & got extra cute for class. This came from having a dress code in high school. I added the Jay/mommy part later.
4. Auntie!!! <~~~ one of my favorite names... I love being an auntie & I absolutely love my nephew & niece!!!
5. Baby girl <~~~ only one person calls me this & he is the only one that can. That is all!
6. Lastly, and this is probably the most important nickname of all... MAMA!!! The first time I heard my son say that, my heart melted. He won't say it anymore. He just laughs when I try to get him to say it. Smh.



~Jay

Day 1... AGAIN

So they deleted the topic list of the 30 Day Blog I was posting from. Guess it was pretty old... Anyhoo, I found a new one & was smart enough to take a screen shot this time. Ha! For Day 1, I'm supposed to introduce myself, give you a recent photo & 15 facts. So, here goes nothing...

My name is Ja'Nice.

1. I'm a mother.... Hence the blog name flyymommyjay.
2. I'm 5'7... Mostly legs.
3. I work in a pharmacy.
4. I LOVE to write/talk about everything.... Anything really.
5. I cut my hair into a fade (Caesar cut) 4 months ago. Very liberating!!
6. I'm learning to be more patient.
7. I'm extremely nonchalant.
8. My anger is rare & never lasts very long but when I'm angry... I'm VERY angry.
9. I'm almost always smiling/laughing.
10. I've learned to love the people that love me back & to pray for the ones that don't.
11. I'm sometimes loyal to undeserving people but if I changed that... I'd change me. Not happening!
12. I believe in the Golden Rule & live by it daily... You do dirt, you get dirt!!
13. My life should be a broadway musical.
14. I have a bucket list & am slowly but surely marking things off.
15. Last, but not least.... I am truly in a place of contentment in my life. No matter what tests I endure, my faith cannot be shaken.



~Jay

Something You Hope To Do In Life

Hmmm, there's a lot that I want to do & I can't just pick ONE! I have started making my bucket list so I'll give you all as many as I can think of now.

In life I hope to:

Learn to sew. Learn how to play the piano. Learn Spanish!! Visit Europe, specifically France & Italy. Meet Derek Jeter/Mariah Carey. Be content with myself & my life. Experience reciprocated, non-platonic love. Give reciprocated, non-platonic love. Dance in the rain. Go skinny-dipping. Write a book. Publish said book. Audition for a reality show. Go see a Broadway show. Go to a Cowboys Superbowl game. Be the best mother possible. That is all.


~Jay

Something You Have To Forgive Someone Else For

I've let go & let God in every aspect of my life... Good & bad. So refer to my last blog about forgiveness.


~Jay

Something You Have To Forgive Yourself For

I was just going to skip this topic because there's nothing currently that I feel I need to forgive myself for. But I decided to explain why... Please know that I'm not without sin. Not without blemish in any way. Actually up until very recently, I was carrying around a lot of guilt, hurt, pain... But as I said in the previous blog entry, I've grown a lot in the past couple of years. I know that in order to be forgiven, you have to ask for it from God & from the people that you've wronged. I've done that. I don't believe in going to bed angry or with things left unsaid or undone. Tomorrow brings so much uncertainty that it's important to speak your mind now. None of us have been promised another day on this Earth. So, I have nothing to forgive myself for... I've tried my best to correct my mistakes in life. Some people have forgiven me. Some have not. But I've done my part. That is all.


~Jay

Something You Love About Yourself

2
The one thing I ADORE about myself is my strength. I've been through so much in my life, especially at such a young age but I can truly say I am a better person now for having gone through it. Most things I don't share with other people, even close friends & family. Not serious things anyway. I'm so much like my grandmother that it's ridiculous. She was a very strong woman who cared for her entire family... Took on the burdens & responsibilities of most of her children & grandchildren. I didn't see her cry often but I'm sure she wanted to. I automatically assume the role of fixing problems for the people I care about. I can't stand to see them hurting. I rarely cry to others or complain about my situations. Two reasons for that: 1- I can give help all day long, but have a hard time accepting it... In any form. That's the prideful Leo battle i deal with daily. Lol. 2- I don't believe that complaining helps any situation. In fact, I think it hinders the solution. If you spend so much time focusing on the negative, you won't notice the positive. Anyhoo, carrying burdens on your own are TOUGH! No one should ever have to do that. I'm slowly learning to depend on loved ones for support but it's a hard battle with self. The absolute best thing about not depending on others in tough times or not having anyone to depend on is that you must FULLY RELY ON GOD. He has given me a strength that I never knew I was capable of. In the past couple years, my relationship w/God has improved so much. I know there's not anything that I can't get through. I will never truly be alone. No matter who enters & exits my life. No matter what materialistic things I do or do not possess. No matter what state of health, He is there & knows EXACTLY what He is doing even when I don't. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems at first. The world keeps turning. We all keep living & get through our days one at a time.


~Jay

Something You Hate About Yourself

1
Hmmm, this is a tough one... Especially to start out with. What do I honestly HATE about myself?Hate is such a strong word... I don't hate anything about myself. I DISLIKE the fact that when I'm unsure about something, I don't even attempt it. This is a gift & curse. In every aspect of my life... Work, relationships, my music, writing.. If I feel I can't do it & do it WELL, I just won't try. I guess it started as a defense mechanism. It prevented me from the disappointment of failure. At the same time, everyone should know what failure feels like. If you don't fail, you'll never truly appreciate success. But thats ust my opinion. I feel that I've missed out on a lot of opportunities that may have worked out but I wasn't 100% sure, so I didn't do it. There have been relationships that I was unsure would work, so I just left them alone. BUT... That ended in 2011. This year, I have every intent of following every dream/wish I have. Beginning with an upcoming audition in a few weeks! I am nervous. I'm extremely nervous, actually!! But it won't hurt me if I fail & could be a dream come true if I succeed... And I plan to succeed. I will keep you all updated & I guess we will go from there... Until then, ciao!


~Jay

Quick update

As any new mother knows, "Me time" is pretty much nonexistent at this point in life. But I'm forcing myself to take some daily. My son is now 9 months!!! The time seems to have flown by. I'm sure his high school graduation will be here in the blink of an eye.... He's becoming so independent these days. Trying to walk. Talking. Not needing to be rocked to sleep; He just falls out wherever it catches him : ) It's weird having the mixed emotions of parenthood. On one hand, you're sad because they are slowly not needing to be totally dependent on you. On the other hand, you're extremely proud that they're learning the skills necessary to become a great human being <~~~~ I mean, that IS your job as a parent, right?

Anyhoo, I haven't blogged in a while but I came across another 30 day blog challenge called 30 Truths & decide to give it an honest try. So... Here goes nothing! Stay tuned!


~Jay